P's Results

Well, got the call about P's SA results tonight. He has a slightly abnormal count (one point under normal) but the doctor said it's nothing he would be concerned about at this point. He still wants me to get my testing done and if my testing is normal, he will just automatically refer P out to another doctor to see what we need to do about P's count to improve it. In the mean time, I've asked P to consider quitting smoking so we will see if he'll agree to it. When I've brought it up in the past, he's always brushed me off so I don't know what he will do in this situation. If he brushes me off again, I really can't say how I'll react. I'd like to think that I'd be understanding but I really don't know. When I went to the doctor and was told we needed to start testing, I secretly hoped that if there was a problem, it would be with me because I didn't know if I could handle it if it was with P. I'm ok right now because it's so close to be normal and I think that if we would make some lifestyle changes, maybe we could improve it. That might be wishful thinking but it's all I have at this point. But if P decides he isn't going to quit smoking, I can't say that I won't lose it. I really hope that if it comes to that point, I can keep my cool and just accept it.

The doctor did mention an IUI and I was mind blown for a second. I didn't think we were anywhere close to that at this point. I'm trying not to think about it since we're still kind of far away from that because I still have my testing and then the referral and everything. However, it's really hard not to think about it and be overwhelmed. I'm pretty sure my insurance does not have infertility coverage and that means that after our consulting appointment with the RE (which we'll pay for out of pocket), we're going to be stuck. We can't afford infertility treatment on our own. We'd have to try to save up for a few years and the thought of that is devastating.

 I'm just not ready to deal with this yet. I'm trying really hard to stay positive but all I want to do is cry. Also, I'm sure I'm overemotional right now and I'll come back tomorrow to read this and be like "Ok, overreaction, much?" Ugh, why in the hell isn't this easier? For goodness sakes, teenagers and one night standers get pregnant all the freaking time!