Well, it's taken me a few days to be able to get my mind wrapped around everything so that I could write about it and make some sense. So we had found out a couple weeks ago that P's SA was off a little bit. So it's been decided that he needs to see a urologist. The appointment is set up for Sept 25 so I guess we will see where we go for P when we see the doctor. On Friday, we found out that my Progesterone was low, as in almost non-existent, so the dr doesn't think I'm ovulating. I'm going to have an HSG and then we're going to talk about a referral to a RE. Then, on Monday, my OB called with my insulin result (it was a send out so it took the lab a little bit of time to get it back) and the level was high so they faxed the reports to my general practitioner and he's going to decide if I need to be on Metformin. Regardless, even if I'm not diabetic yet, I'm pre-diabetic and it's time for a lifestyle change.
Yesterday was hard for me. I broke down when P got home. I just feel like everything is against us. All of the testing we've gotten so far has been positive (and not in a good way) and it's starting to be overwhelming. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself but it's hard not to think about the long-run. I mean, we will absolutely pay OOP for a consultation with a RE but beyond that (IUI, IVF, adoption), we just can't afford it at this point in our lives. Like I told P yesterday, I've had baby names picked out since I was 12 y/o. I've dreamed of being a mom since I could remember and the thought of potentially not being a mom is devastating. Especially in my line of work. Every day, I take care of withdrawal babies and it's getting really hard to take care of them without thinking "Ok, this is absolutely not fair. These women have babies and they're ON DRUGS. Why can't I?" It takes a lot of self control to hold my judgment and tell them their babies are going to be ok with a smile on my face. I need to get a handle on my emotions.
On a happier note, my sister and I have decided to take my dad skydiving for his birthday. He's had such a rough year (he was having terrible pain and nausea, had surgery for a double hernia, then had surgery for a gallbladder removal 6 weeks later) and he's doing so much better. The three of us have talked about this for a long time so we're finally going to do it. We scheduled it for Sept 22. Which means I have incentive for making the lifestyle change. My height and weight need to be proportionate and that means I need to lose about 10-15 lbs as does my sister. I have been really bad about diets in the past but I absolutely refuse to ruin this opportunity for my dad because I'm too big. It's time for better, healthier me!
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